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St. Paul: or A Day Without Sex Is (Still) A Day NOT Wasted.
OK, OK, OK... I understand there's hardly catchy about this blog title--not to mention how wordy it is, but I thought I might wanna share with everyone my irreverent hypothesis concerning what The Apostle Paul once said about why men with uncontrollable passions are better off married, and trust me, it'll be worth your time and possibly funny bone!
Though I can't recall the exact Scriptural verse discussed here (yeah I know: I ought to read my Bible more often!), I will however, have to relay this to some interesting current events. Ever since I discussed about this subject to my therapist, I've been speculating what my life will be like, if I were to go (comme dit ca en francais), "chaud de la pince," (that's sex on the brain) maybe I could be married with children at this moment on (especially with the children part--IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!). And not only that, but for those who subscribe to Freudian psychology (i.e, sex is the driving force explaining why we work hard to achieve goals), maybe I could have been the (model minority) success story... as a filmmaker, published author, or even a businessman, worthy to be on the cover page of Forbes... But for those who are keenly aware of the latter magazine's late founder's/publisher's secret gay life (read: Malcolm Forbes), I am reminded of perhaps maybe there's ample reason why I shouldn't be feeling insecure, unfulfilled as I perceive myself to be.
So by implication, I'm saying I have no major libido to worry about, or shall I say, talk about! But before I go Gov. Mark Sanford on everybody, just hear me out (on what my real point is). Like the aforementioned, scandal-ridden governor, I often wondered--even discussed with my shrink, what or why he did what he did--AND that's before we get into his TMI confessions of who his real, "soul mate" is! Maybe it's in part to whatever internal pain he has for so long, successfully shielded the public from, or perhaps on another part, Sanford's got what I personally called, "The Kissinger Syndrome." *i.e, power as the ultimate aphrodisiac. Or perhaps it's just the traditional issues of men having sex on the brain (almost) 24/7... which pretty much is what countless church ministries have to deal with in an especially, sex-saturated, telecom-based culture (read: the internet), this side of Marshal McLuhan.
Or how's this for life's crueler ironies: imagine this scenario, where I want to gain the father's blessing for me to marry the woman of my compatible dreams--ONLY to be dashed because I might not even have an adequate level of libido, not only disqualifying me from keeping my prospective spouse satisfied (i.e, the idea of being cuckolded, circa Medieval/Restoration-era English Lit.), but likewise with not having the same libido to propel me for loftier career ambitions (read: to be the provider, let alone a co-bearer of children)... and meanwhile, the dad in question could be a pastor of some respective church!
To kind of put this in a Mark Twain sense of (ironic), hypothetical wit, maybe had I invest more time watching porn--even to the fraction of the bare minimal society seems to demand of me (!), engage in masturbation (hint: never spanked the monkey!!!), etc..., maybe I would be in a much more successful/fuller life... But that will also mean I will have to utilize my personal fortune in covering up my insecure character flaws!
I dunno: maybe it's that talk of the male species of humanity, trying to maintain their Darwinian drive to propagate the species--never mind the fact that with today's culture of "playas," spreading one's seeds (for procreative/supremacist reasons) is not exactly in their minds! But then again, I'm a creationist/believer in intelligent design, trying to make compatible my Christian beliefs with that constitutional concept of where we get our unalienable rights/sense of freedom, in our democracy!
But in the end, I'm surmising that had I have this major woody (sorry about my choice of innuendos), I would be just as successful as every politico, industrialist, A-list celeb, sports star, etc... But by consequence, that means I too will have to deal with the "drunk-with-power," character-testing consequences of having that much fame/fortune/prestige as any other guy in the spotlight, much of which don't end very well! And as someone yearning to have a career in film, I often wondered what would happened had I lived the same sort of stereotypical, dark underbelly-of-a-reputation--especially towards say, the end of my career, this side of... MICHAEL JACKSON!!!
Now, I don't want to get on the current MJ bandwagon, but hypothetically-speaking, had I achieved both my career and relationship/family goals, what sort of dark side will I have to cover-up, complete with shady enablers/handlers, that can't wait to capitalize on my Hollywood Confidential-styled, downfall? And especially with Jackson's recent media circus (at the Staples Center)--UHHHHH.... excuse me; televised public wake, what are the surest Vegas odds that I might get scorned for not only being over-glorified for accomplishments that are not all that big of a deal (historically speaking), but likewise with garnering more media attention than say, those who are more worthy of public glory upon death... like say our troops fighting against The Taliban and/or Al Qaeda?!
...and I haven't gotten into that other, hypothetically-controversial question of having all of my worst sins glossed over (at my hypothetical wake), never mind the fact that at any other public funeral of a controversial figure, like say... RICHARD NIXON(!!!), the proverbial elephant in the room is never persona non grata!
*and with some of the conveniently ignored, glossy remembrances (of Jackson) by the likes of The Rev. Al Sharpton, Jamie Fox, etc... I can only speculate the worst-case scenarios should some people despise me for being elevated to near-elder statesman status, like say Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.! ...just ask Congressman Peter King:
But as I continually work hard in keeping my sanity intact (while simultaneously keeping my "going-through-the-motions" emotions in line), maybe all I can do is to not only remind myself God is going to give this dog his (promised) day, but also with knowing full well, maybe having a libido-centric existence, for all things career and family, is not what it cracks up to be. I mean, I've already linked personal sex drive with Gov. Mark Sanford, Michael Jackson, our troops in Afghanistan, the media, and Rep. Peter King (to embellish this more so)... all in one go!
It's amazing how much long-term, maximal damage can be achieved, with just a mere urge to merge... EvenSt. Paul is probably laughing with me with this Albert Camus-esque lunacy!
From Mou to Miller: or my (belated Father's Day) treatise with my Dad
It's been probably 3 or more years since I finally forgave my Dad for all the abuse he heaped upon me, with WWII as his convenient excuse for his issues, etc. It's also about 3 years since I finally started to grow up from the sources of my 3 decades-long angst phase, or at least the basis thereof, for whatever subconscious repeats of my father's sins, i.e, using the past as my convenient excuse for life's greatest inconvenient truth: having the free will to not allow my circumstances to hinder living and growing. And with these in mind, I would like to make something of a manifesto of sorts, of how far I've grown up--alongside how much more I have to grow up down the road of life, since life doesn't necessarily ends with the rolling end credits... especially with Dad.
For most of my adolescent and young adult life, it's basic routine for me to whine, loathe, blame, and maybe worse, about my Dad, having not providing me the sort of "normal" childhood, if not life I've always craved since my more humbled beginnings (to perhaps phrasing it in a more adult, cool-headed way). But for some interesting moment in my life, I finally took upon the choice--almost in random, to let go of my grudges with the man who at best of times, the man who gave me life; at worst, the man who (at least in theory) deprived me of that life, had I remained a whiny teenager today. And with every memory I had of Dad then, it's always the routine self-pity of not having an education beyond 6th grade (education is something of a privilege in even in onetime British Crown Colony Hong Kong), not having the wiser life decisions to learn English (which explains why Dad used to grill it in me to be a more proficient reader/writer as if he's the Catholic Mother Superior around here), or in general, pitying himself for being too old to go back to school, so as to presumably learn/train how to be a better "Gold Mountain" success story, a.k.a, another model minority (never mind the fact that in this day and age of constantly evolving technologies and economic globalization, EVERYBODY AT ONE POINT OR ANOTHER IN THEIR CAREER LIVES, HAVE TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL...! ...or just learn that in life, you never really stop learning--no disrespect to Alice Cooper!).... ALL the while blaming it all on his childhood trauma on The Japanese (Imperial Armed Forces), who killed all/ loot all/ burned all, in their conquests to established their Asian-Pacific Empire. All of those days constantly talking about that horrific past caused my Dad to live in not only the past, but almost in near, arrested development, never able to forgive The Nation of The Rising Sun for the 1930's/1940's history, air raids and all! And even with the still complicated, controversial, unresolved issues of WWII, regarding official apologies/reparations, vis-a-vis The Rape of Nanking, vis-a-vis Unit 731, and vis-a-vis the indiscriminate aerial bombings of the Imperial Japanese Army/Naval Air Corps., my modus operandi views for him is to say that he's (Dad) still can't let it all go and move on... http://www.metroactive.com/papers/metro/12.12.96/cover/china1-9650.html
...especially how I'm currently of the mature view that sometimes, sometimes, seeking (collective) revenge on a sadistic enemy, who especially wronged you in the most despicably gory way unimaginable, might not be what it all cracks up to be.* *hint: The common theme found in the Asian Extreme "classics," such as Oldboy, and even (GASP!) Ichi The Killer(!), dealing consequentially with bully culture/psychological warfare, grudges, vengeance, and even the REAL intent/goals behind the sadistic atrocities... like experiencing ultimate ends of their (most depraved) masochistic fantasies(!)... or to put in more mainstream terms, (Steven Spielberg's) Munich!
And had my Dad lived past his 50th year of existence/birthday (he died when I was in 7th grade, a.k.a, of Bar Mitzvah age), it wouldn't be a shock to me that he will rent/purchase a VHS copy of T.F. Mou's notorious gory/over-the-top/propaganda-burlesqued, WWII "epic," Men Behind The Sun--and its sorry excuses for a subsequent series of sequels! Like my Dad, director Mou seems to have this stubbornly attached view of Japan as the Japan of Adm. Yamamoto, Gen. Hideki Tojo, et al, forever trapped in begrudgingly-historical suspended animation, never able to not only move on, but in some perversely scheming way, allow himself to be something of a "prison b*tch" to those grudges; sorry, I can't find a more appropriately-direct way of describing it. But like in the aforementioned Asian Extreme movies, I can't help but constantly remind my (Christian) self, why bullies (of all sorts of makes) would want to work so feverishly hard to hurt/damage someone (sometimes of their cruel, capricious choosing): to continue holding psychological power over them--even after one or the other--possibly both, are dead and gone (perhaps to fill in that insecure void that the bullies otherwise can't productively substitute, in lieu of dictating others accordingly to their own deluded whims and fancies)! ...or as I would put it, a fruitless exercise in impassionate futility!
So it's not unusual for my Dad, to constantly remind himself outloud, almost religiously to some morbid extent, that he's just another cow/cattle to slaughter--and to anyone who has ever shared my sort of traditionally Chinese experience, there's this gi-normous emphasis on karma, which in my Dad's case, if you failed in life, you'll come back as a piece of livestock, waiting to be on someone's dinner plate... *though don't tell that to the (Buddhism-lite-inclined) likes of PETA, Animal Liberation Front, and other animal rights radicals, whom ironically vote pro-choice/abortion!
But yet somewhere down the life of my then-budding thirty-something phase of life, I must have made some proactive meditations/reminders on how much more empathetic my Dad is, in spite of his all too "memorable" flaws... kind of like how I managed to forgave my mom's abuses/transgression heaped upon nearly a decade prior! I don't know what it was that finally allow me the human freedom to choose forgiveness and moving on (hint: God's grace, possibly?), but I'm grateful/glad that I took that opportune "leap of faith," when it was most appropriate... which then leads me to portray my Dad (and possibly my mom) in a more... Willy Loman-esque kind of way...
Probably since my stint in community college, I became all the more obsessed with not only Arthur Miller's seminal play, but with all things Arthur Miller, i.e, All My Sons (which I will later discuss in a later blog). Given the Gold Mountain/ Model Minority aspect of my Dad's complex life/psychological history, I can't help but be reminded of how much the titular tragic hero resembles my father in some ways. He was (to paraphrase Scorcese's Taxi Driver) a someone trying to be a somebody--like countless others in his generation, discovering their American Dream (albeit on my Dad's side, from Hong Kong, mainland China, Vietnam, etc...). Like Willy Loman, Dad probably had some caricaturistic views of what it means to be a success, since anyone who has ever grown up in a Asian "Fresh-Off-The-Boat" (of FOB) household will tell you how much education and hard work is so paramount in their respective lives... almost to the point of a schizophrenic meltdown (an ethnic theme of which I'm all too intimate with...). But still yet, like Loman, has my Dad been missing out on the bigger picture behind being a real success story... like how to keep a healthy, functioning, loving family (instead of pursuing some high-end worldly title of being a career success)? I mean isn't the real point behind being a career success--or just having any career, period--is to invest it on the people that matters the most, i.e, family, friends? Even if there's domestic problems with either family and/or friends, like hey, think of it this way--as a certain investment ad suggests:
Nobody says on their death bed that they should have spent more time at the office.
Or in short: a living to support/spend time with your loved ones (especially if God is part of it all) is the ends to your career means, not the other way around!
And off tangent, I've been feeling all too grateful for my Dad, for bestowed some of the better traits I had for most of the life of me, overlooked, such as perseverance and a predication for culinary ventures: translation; knowing how to cook. Maybe some future wife and my future-in-laws out there, should be feeling much more enthused that I can (or at least constantly learning how) to prepare some pho, veal marsala, Vietnamese rice noodle dish, fried rice, Tom Yum Goong, matzo ball soup, jook, beer can chicken, Cote de Boeuf, tempura, sushi, etc...!
Maybe it's not a total loss AT ALL, knowing full well (in hindsight at least), that there is ample evidence of my father, having actually spent quality time with me... otherwise how can one explains some of my domestic skills/hard work ethics? *hint: it's probably not just because of my then-latch key kid status! And as I continually look forward to learning how to enjoy living--especially with my current status in career goals, maybe I should jumpstart an annual tradition, every Mother's/Father's Day, giving my due respects to their grave sites (and even thanking G_d), knowing ultimately well that their efforts were never in vain--had they seen how far I've progressed, not just with say, my collegiate accomplishments, but likewise with whatever character development needed to really advance and enjoy living (including with whoever/whomever I want to share my blessings with)... an accomplishment of which, even I'm relatively assured my Dad should be open to the idea of being proud of. And who knows: I can even live long enough to see eye-to-eye with those who purportedly not only wronged me, but ironically also inspired/compelled me to grow and pursue la dolce vita! *see Dad per exemple... http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/english/doc/2005-09/18/content_478811.htm
Some of you (stateside at least) may have seen this recent PSA by The Partnership For A Drug-Free America, the steroids variation (apart from the usual marijuana/crack/heroine variety). Given the past few years of sports professionals in high profile steroid scandals (think Barry Bonds, or Jose Canseco), I can't help but be reminded of that phrase so-often used in these press conferences, congressional hearings: performance enhanced.
Apart from the usual synonyms of that term, I've been also reminded of some recent studies/analysis of the social phenomenon best known as perpetual adolescence, or arrested development. Contextually speaking, the sociologists-writers who observed astutely (like say, Guyland's Michael Kimmel) will say that people around quarter life age or above, will have this tendency to still act like they're still in high school or even 7th grade (a.k.a. the worst time to be teenager, zits, learning experiences et al!): key word here, act.
That's where I've also taken notice on Michael Kimmel's thesis, found in his book, Guyland. About some time ago, when I was perusing past some Newsweek articles, I came across Kimmel's book, being reviewed for public consumption. Here the book reviewer also puts into statistical context of how valid an argument Kimmel is with his published work, the most striking to me at least, is the adolescent nature to put on a show, to perform (i.e, who is manlier, who's not gay, who can bed the most women, etc...), so to speak. And when put into context of the forever adolescent culture we're seeing today, how many young men of late, are actually still acting like they're boys in desperate need for parental higher maintenance? It's rather ironic to see how guys then, who defiantly claim their mature right to do sex, drugs, booze, etc... before their parents, are also the ones who will grow up to be voting adults, in desperate need of a socialist parental/nanny state (so as to provide everything from free contraceptives to welfare checks--thankless in part to their parents' hard-earned tax dollars!)! *Oh excuse me; did I say "grow up" in the earlier?(!)
Whenever I see the latest trends for "young adult male" advertising, I am constantly reminded--or shall I say, barraged, by the juvenile posturing of products and services that cater to not only the perpetually-adolescent need to be gratified, but also with trying to feel like they're real men--minus the responsibilities! I mean, how many times shall I be afflicted with tastelessly over-the-top images of Paris Hilton eating a burger while washing a high-end roadster? Or perhaps to go much further back (like say with my memories of the mid-to-late 80's), the cynically eye-rolling images of beer guzzling guys, finally living in Swedish supermodel heaven, a la Victoria Secrets lingerie?(!) Especially with the advent of "lad magazines," most notably Maxim, Stuff, or even the "grandfatherly" likes of Esquire, GQ, I am also made explicitly aware of that adolescent, performance-driven lunacy where hormonal guys will claim manly sophistication (of refined wealth and/or success), just so they can indulge in their crude/unrefined "need" to sleep with as many girls as possible, in the so-called "gentlemen's club" culture. I was going to get into the argument regarding what truly defines a bona fide gentleman/gentry, vis-a-vis the definitions of someone much more civilized and maturely refined, I was later shot down by some past, academic recollections of Restoration/pre-revolutionary European era literature, concerning the libertine ways of the over-indulgent, godless, and dare I say, economically unjust aristocracy. *And FYI: When I was going to say (in one prior sentence), "sleep with as many women as possible," that should imply that the ladies in question are actually of mature mindset in the first place... which they don't! ...and don't get me started with the possible connection between perpetual adolescence and pedastery(!).
Which reminds me...
Regarding the so-called ladies of this day and age, I am once again reminded of one Gen-X feminist writer, by the name of Ariel Levy, when she noted in her provocative bestseller(?), Feminist Chauvinist Pigs, of how today's generation of young women are still acting like a bunch of sexually-charged, pubescent girls, hence the tragicomic, reality-porn phenomenon best known as "Girls Gone Wild" (hint: 'noticed how that the adult entertainment franchise isn't worded as, "Women Gone Wild," or "Ladies Gone Wild?"). In some series of youtube, documentary clips I stumbled upon, I am impressed upon by Levy herself, of how today's women are culturally programmed, if not indoctrinated into believing that if they're not "porn-worthy," then they are failures as women--since in this day and age, having one's labia surgically reduced, boobs surgically enhanced (read: breast implants), and having some prior pole-dancing lessons, constitutes "genuine" woman-hood: in short, to as sexualized/sexually perform like an archtypal Jenna Jameson--AND perhaps be handsomely compensated for such "services rendered!"
Maybe it's those high school horror stories (on the other side of the gender fence) I've read about from the likes of actresses Hillary Swank, or Spy Kids' Alexa Vega, detailing how much they were pushed around by the mean girls, queen bees, back in their days--and I haven't even gone into the speculations of how these mean girls are oft-times, not just of the same social milieu as the popular cheerleader/valedictorian, but quite possibly also of the notorious, "jailbait" variety! I mean, when I recall in one recent dinner conversation with some friends of mine, one of them was lamenting wearily of his neice, acting like any other proverbial, affluent suburban teenaged girl: hint, wearing provocative attire that includes short shorts with the word "juicy," strategically-embedded on the hindquarters area! That's where I also delve the conversation into the whole, growing pains aspect of adolescent attire, i.e, feeling like the need to fit in with a (popular) clique--probably in the same way some girls try to have their body size fit in those annoyingly-sized, "Hottie" T-shirts. No surprise here that like in the male arena of hard, adolescent living/growing (I knew that all too well!), there also lies the life issue of formulating one's identity--apart from what clique they're part of! And interestingly enough, when I was doing whatever scant research on the sociological factors behind female suicide rates (i.e, the correlations with breast implants, or even the morbidly high suicide rates of Asian women everywhere!), I am reminded back to Kimmel's Guyland, where I was made aware of how the suicide rates of young, perpetually adolescent men are morosely high--given that if they (guys as girls) can't psychologically function outside of their circle of (immature?) friends, what identity can these "Forever 21s/Neverland nationals," based their own lives on?
It makes me wonder incessantly of how the arrested development culture of pubescent performance have me mulling about how far I've matured, if not how much more I have to mature later on, since my turbulent adolescent years--AND the subsequent, protracted collegiate years! But as I examine my own life thus far, I am also reminded of how much I've been commented on how honest I am with myself, given that it's quite possibly, one of the most essential skills/traits to not only personal maturity, but likewise with creating/living a more fulfulling life, character development is highly integral to surviving and ultimately enjoying the euphoria of existence! It's that personal honesty that makes me wonder no more on why I never quite fit in (the proverbial, if not also perpetually adolescent culture), since being forever young seems to also imply one will have to forever be someone they're actually not! Like kids who play cops 'n robbers, war games, playing house, etc... there's this element of pseudo, meaning in this root prefix word, having the same qualities of something genuine without actually being one for real! And as I await tiresomely, for yet another professional sports, doping/juicing scandal, I have to constantly build inside of me, the life attrition skills that reminds me, no matter how crappy my life can be with career, relationship goals, or with life in general, there's no long-term productive point in becoming another Barry Bonds... a faker... a poseur, a juiced-up, performance-enhanced phony... or in short, being an asterisk.
Prior to last Sunday's sermon, "The Privilege of Giving," I've been reminded on numerous occasions via some advertising links (on Newsmax, etc...), proclaiming that God actually wants someone like me to be rich--though as I see it, not in the same, heretical-dubious, "prosperity gospel" kind of way. As of late, I believe that one of major purposes of having plenty is to share more blessings with other people, especially the less fortunate. Now, while I don't want to get into the politics of "Obamanomics," (let alone trickle-down, Reaganomics), it does make me think a lot about what I'm supposed to do with my life; or more aptly put, maximize it, with every sunrise. Even as I mull about where I should be--especially with the current economic situation in limbo, it seems the only thing I could/can do still to practice my life maximizing skills is perhaps tithe whatever I can every Sunday--even if it seems like below chump change by comparison; or perhaps with whatever opportunity that comes my way, give charitably whatever I can with whatever spare change I have, if not even like one recent time, bestow one dim sum snack or pastry onto a homeless man.
I suppose with every sunrise comes every little, microcosmic opportunity for me to get creative giving, even though I have to admit, there's also times where I couldn't help, possibly in part to whatever weekly/daily hard lessons I have to keep in mind with my budgeting skills. I also suppose if this is what I will be doing until the next career/relationship opportunity comes my way, this is what I will have to learn to maximize. Who knows... maybe this is now part of my "on-the-job training" right now (since I already have plenty of formal, volunteer and/or paid temp work/work-study history!)!
NOOOOO... this blog isn't about another Chow Yun Fat starring vehicle! If anything, it's more about the recent trend for people of the euphemistically, "alternative lifestyles," advocating for Triad, or even polygamous marriage, not surprisingly riding on the political coattails of some gay marriage legalization successes.
But still, regarding the turn of current events, I couldn't help but find some convenient comparisons between The Triads of Chinese organized crime culture with the polyamorous, polygamous segment of sexualized culture. Like any other Mafia group, Triad relationships/marriages involves gettin' some easy money; one deals with forming dubious alliances, so as to embezzle legitimate gains ... the other is the Chinese Triads! *Somehow, I can see this federal bailout, analogous with our big business/big (Socialist) government hegemonies (a la the Obama Administration)!
Or in regards to internal strife and politics, The Chinese Triads would oft-times involve themselves with some whackings (i.e, gun battles--however limited it may be given the strict Hong Kong gun laws) and/or close-quarters machete/ "pig knife" battles; in polygamous marriages, it's called inter-spousal backstabbing! *'Kinda begs the question how much head a wife will have to give before she will rule alongside the head of the organization--uh, I mean household!
Triad initiation ceremonies will have rituals, dedicating to eternal vows, some symbolic gestures of kneeling, subordinate positions, etc... Triad marriages... well, no difference here!
With The Chinese Triads, it functions like any other ethnic gang enterprise: a family unit; In polygamous/triad marriages... well, no difference here either!
Triad corporations will oft-times be implicated with other legitimate businesses, sometimes without having the legitimate proprietors knowing of such activities (i.e, drug money laundering?); in Triad marriages, it's called the bridal/floral, (blood) diamond industry!
In the Chinese Triads, there's always possibilities of some young, cocky/impetuous upstarts trying to usurp their elders' authority via some bloody coup; in Triad (polygamous) marriages, they're called teenaged children!
In Chinese Triad culture, there's always a borderline whiff of criminal corporations trying to seek legitimacy with an ironically, oft-times corrupt government; in triad marriages, it's called GLAAD or ACT-UP!
I suppose that's why when HBO's Big Love premiered (a "quirky" drama on the life of a polygamous-centric, splinter Mormon sect), I can't help but be reminded by some major TV critics, comparing Big Love with the cable network's previous flagship show; The Sopranos (i.e, one takes Prozac, the other pops Viagra!). And like The Sopranos, I'm often the type that will bluntly opine that (old-school) Mormonism--or for that matter, those of the alternative lifestyles are no different from any secret society, this side of La Cosa Nostra!
), I will however, have to relay this to some interesting current events. Ever since I discussed about this subject to my therapist, I've been speculating what my life will be like, if I were to go (comme dit ca en francais), "chaud de la pince," (that's sex on the brain) maybe I could be married with children at this moment on (especially with the children part--IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!). And not only that, but for those who subscribe to Freudian psychology (i.e, sex is the driving force explaining why we work hard to achieve goals), maybe I could have been the (model minority) success story... as a filmmaker, published author, or even a businessman, worthy to be on the cover page of Forbes... But for those who are keenly aware of the latter magazine's late founder's/publisher's secret gay life (read: Malcolm Forbes), I am reminded of perhaps maybe there's ample reason why I shouldn't be feeling insecure, unfulfilled as I perceive myself to be.
But before I go Gov. Mark Sanford on everybody, just hear me out (on what my 
... or to put in more mainstream terms, (Steven Spielberg's) Munich!
Like my Dad, director Mou seems to have this stubbornly attached view of Japan as the Japan of Adm. Yamamoto, Gen. Hideki Tojo, et al, forever trapped in begrudgingly-historical suspended animation, never able to not only move on, but in some perversely scheming way, allow himself to be something of a "prison b*tch" to those grudges; sorry, I can't find a more appropriately-direct way of describing it.
But like in the aforementioned Asian Extreme movies, I can't help but constantly remind my (Christian) self, why bullies (of all sorts of makes) would want to work so feverishly hard to hurt/damage someone (sometimes of their cruel, capricious choosing): to continue holding psychological power over them--
). But still yet, like Loman, has my Dad been missing out on the bigger picture behind being a 
Maybe some future wife and my future-in-laws out there, should be feeling much more enthused that I can (or at least constantly learning how) to prepare some pho, veal marsala, Vietnamese rice noodle dish, fried rice, Tom Yum Goong, matzo ball soup, jook, beer can chicken, Cote de Boeuf, tempura, sushi, etc...! 
*hint: it's probably not just because of my then-latch key kid status! And as I continually look forward to learning how to enjoy living--especially with my current status in career goals, maybe I should jumpstart an annual tradition, every Mother's/Father's Day, giving my due respects to their grave sites (and even thanking G_d), knowing ultimately well that their efforts were never in vain--had they seen how far I've progressed, not just with say, my collegiate accomplishments, but likewise with whatever character development needed to 
, I am also made explicitly aware of that adolescent, performance-driven lunacy where hormonal guys will claim manly sophistication (of refined wealth and/or success), just so they can indulge in their crude/unrefined "need" to sleep with as many girls as possible, in the so-called "gentlemen's club" culture. I was going to get into the argument regarding what truly defines a bona fide gentleman/gentry, vis-a-vis the definitions of someone much more civilized and maturely refined, I was later shot down by some past, academic recollections of Restoration/pre-revolutionary European era literature, concerning the libertine ways of the over-indulgent, godless, and dare I say, economically unjust aristocracy.
