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There's no 2 ways about the 2 "ways" of growing up| | Since turning 30 back in 2006, I've always been in a retrospective mood. But most pressing about it is the issue of how fast I grew up, versus how others "grew up" fast, if you know what I mean.
Ask any of my closest friends, colleagues, etc... and they'll tell you that my early childhood is in no way the most normal; if anything, it's traumatic: I lost my mom at age 6, which thus forced my dad to quit his cooking job to try to raise me and my sister (the word "raise," is left wide open for debate) under the stigmatizing sustenance of government assistance... THEN my dad passed away when I was of what I will say as Bar Mitzvah-age (i.e, 13)... leaving still, some other trying times yet to overcome... like having not 1, but 2 fails in my report card (on top of a D and a couple of C's, the latter letter grade of which, I recalled my Dad possibly despising the most)... trying to deal with living under my stepmom's care (possibly "married" via common-in law, between the times of my blood parents' deaths), trying to deal with adolescence (like who doesn't?), juggling both academic and social development... then came my awkward at best, entry into young adulthood, having to forcibly move out of my home and into my increasingly senile grandma's studio apartment (my stepmom remarried with possibly a jerk, hence the reason why he forced me and my sister out of my stepmom's life), trying to keep up with my collegiate studies (oh what fun that can be... for almost 9 straight years--5 of which is devoted to getting my Associate's degree first before completing my Bachelor's in half that time!), while simultaneously juggling with living on my own (first with little to no support from my family, living with my grandma, then having to learn how to balance my checkbook when I finally started to officially live on my own--albeit with roommates, via disability, social security), and all the while trying to get over those nihilistic, 20-something cynicism I had with not only with God, or even my friends (whom by the way, 'seemed' to be maturing faster by ways of graduating college, getting into relationships, which thus turns into marriages/families, getting into careers/jobs, and other such fun stuff like traveling overseas, etc...), but likewise with the world AND myself. I mean, if you were to step inside my head back in the day, you can almost hear the the cage-rattling effects of my envious rage, feeling left out of what constitutes a normal, fulfilling life, as advertised/depicted not only on TV, etc... but possibly even society itself, as dictated by experts, pundits, etc...
BUT YET... in spite of it all, I somehow consented myself before God to finally show some maturity gravitas, like around the aforementioned year of my astronomical growth as a more level-headed, broad-minded adult, however long and brutal it is for not only myself, but also for the very cadre of church friends, etc... praying tirelessly, yet possibly warily of my stubbornness, which incidentally evolved into my character resolve! It's strange how much toil and (self?) punishment I had to go through to finally "get it," about what life's really about--and how I should better live it. It's funnier that even in spite of some of my immaturity issues then, there's always that lingering built-in mental device, waiting for me to finally grow up past those same traumas/issues that gave me those immaturity issues...
Now contrast that to the lives of more normal people; you know... the sort of folks who don't have the same sort of unscripted/unenviable drama that I had to face since age 6. Despite of the many enviable comforts of a more sheltered-suburban, maybe even fairly stable, blue-collar/urban, middle-class home, where especially here in America, where there is little to no excuse for dysfunctionalism, family drama and worse... it seems all of the gifts of such aforementioned things, were never maximized to its intended purpose. That may, if not very well explain the sociological phenomenon of "adultolescents," arrested development, perpetual adolescence, and the recently talked about, "helicopter parenting" (where parents are constantly under standby to assist their child/children out of some major crisis, hence leaving little to possibly no room for personal growth and experience with being a REAL adult). I can at least point out at immediate, celebrity examples of such stunted growth such as Britney Spears and Paris Hilton, but I think it's better to point out on a more consequential level the sociological/university studies found in such recent texts/nonfiction bestsellers as Michael Kimmel's Guyland, and possibly (via cross-referencing) Ariel Levy's Feminist Chauvinist Pigs. Both texts have much to say about the maturity gap going on with my generation and younger, who apparently in lieu of settling down with marriage and real work--especially guys, are opting for the perpetually adolescent behavior of going to the bars, hanging out with the guys, making cat calls at women (scantily clad or not; more on that later), and all the while superciliously dreaming of some prestigious, high-paying career, with very possible intentions of funneling the fruits of such a day job for perpetually adolescent, hedonistic hijinks, that should have been left back in the boy's locker rooms of (Jr) High and college, this side of Entourage. And with the advent of lad magazines, a la Maxim, a la Stuff, and even the gerentological likes of Esquire, as the "Bible" of (post) modern manhood, I can't help but find myself cynically amused by the current trends of what constitutes masculine adulthood, when you consider the following by author Michael Kimmel:
- the rates of suicides for immature young men are significantly if not staggeringly high, considering that these "men" can't function apart from their beer-swilling group, much less function an identity apart from that same group.
- much of the displays of manhood by today's generations of young adult males are more about adolescent group performances, trying to "prove" to one another that they're not gay (so much for social "progress"). In short, pseudo-manhood that's measured less by responsibility than fake bravado.
- the health risks of perpetually living in a perpetually adolescent lifestyle is dangerously high, considering the no-brainer effects of the constant alcoholic binges, mass consumption of junk food (sometimes of the bar variety), and even sex and drugs, considering the whole universal health care debate about lessening the collective taxpayer burden by encouraging/mandating more personal health responsibility; well that and Tort reform...
- and the oft-neglected statistics that says despite what MTV/VH1, American Pie, The Hangover, and even some vintage John Hughes fare purported, not everyone is having sex as frequently as advertised/portrayed in high school--EVEN LESS SO INTO COLLEGE! That kinda puts a very dangerous monkey wrench in the whole, taxpayer-funded, safe-sex education "industry..."
...and as for women in my generation and younger...
Well, in hearing up on Ariel Levy's aforementioned book, detailing the post-feminist standards of what constitutes a "real" woman, i.e, be (ironically) porno-fake (as opposed to the 70's, Helen Reddy's "I Am Woman" likes of Gloria Steinem), I've been examining/meditating a lot about the whole, cougar and MILF phenomenon--and the correlations to barely legal/jail bait culture. The leerier parts of me is questioning if many of the (literally?) "hot mamas" of today are symptomatic of a culture that constantly indoctrinates young girls--possibly barely into their pre-adolescent years, of not only be more sexual, BUT also be constantly dissatisfied with their own age; ANY age (hence that bittersweet punchline behind one female-centric greeting card, showing an elderly woman wishing she was 20-something, whereas the 20-something year old wishes she was still a teenager... AND yet, a young 8 year old girl wishing she could be a teenager...).
If women today have their version of perpetual adolescence, it will be of the porno-chic kind, where today's definitions of womanhood is measured by how big one's breast implants are--AND small your labia's been surgically-reduced! Graphic truths aside, this brings to mind about the same issue of adolescent performance of adulthood--except with thong panties. Here, young girls (the word of which is of disturbingly debatable context) are encouraged to "prove" their feminine adulthood by how slutty they are, possibly to link female sexuality/fertility with maturity--sans the responsibilities normally associated with sexuality/fertility (i.e, motherhood, careers, etc...). And since the advent of Camille Paglia-styled feminism, what's the Vegas odds that many of today's jailbait girls are going to further their own perceived notions of female "adulthood," pursuing the same barely-legal drama as say, (perpetually-adolescent) guys in their own way, all the while staving off REAL adulthood under borrowed time, best known as biological clocks? I mean, when one considers the awful reality of how short a shelf life feminine beauty and fertility is, one must reflect from the statistics of...
- how often the staggering rates of female suicides seemed to correlate with their patronage with breast implant surgeries (though not necessarily to say it's the silicon implants themselves that causes the suicides, but to inquire the psychological well-being of those implant recipients) ...
- a recent, correlative survey, questioning how much less happier women today are with their lives, sex lives included?
- and in some past blog I bookmarked, describing the long-term consequences for those foolish pretty women, using their sexuality to pretty much get by with favors, material goods, etc... UNTIL THEY HIT THE DREADED 4-0, A.K.A. MENOPAUSE! I guess that explains the cosmetic surgical market for women aged 40 and over!
*I'll be more than happy/willing to google-search and post the relevant links to these provocative points...
In hindsight, no matter how much I still feel the urge to whine about my current circumstances, I can't help but think that all along, I have been in possession of some advantage called, God's grace, and character skills, forever doing the work needed for me to make peace and persevere for possibly better times ahead, whatever that may be, even in spite of the current recession, further frustrating whatever Steinbeckian plans I may have, between (metaphorical) mice and men, but still resolved to find, knowing what further blue-collar, Homeric epic, 'misadventures' I have to endure until I get to this American Dream that I pray is more substance than style. I suppose in all my life of mental (and possibly physical) survival, therein lies the valuable character lessons on how to truly live, as opposed to live the lives of fictional others. And since in all things ironic, if my life dreams/sense of calling revolves around cinema, what are my Vegas odds that I'll be (well?) awarded for putting in the best, substantially character-proven, work ethic skills on some movie associated with the year's best performance?
| | | Posted 11/2/2009 6:35 AM - 19 Views - 2 eProps - 0 comments
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